Dear Capitol Hill Books: As the Special Projects Director of Amazon’s Department of Community Relations, it is my duty to inform you that your request to borrow Amazon founder Jeff Bezos’ helicopter for the purpose of airlifting a large, tiled mosaic wall depicting scenes from Don Quixote to the patio behind your business on C Street SE in Washington, D.C. has been denied. Rest assured that your request was given due consideration. And while I am sympathetic to your plight — what bookstore hasn’t purchased a mosaic wall at auction sight unseen only to find they had no effective means to transport it — your request was ultimately rejected for the following reasons:
Your Request to Borrow Jeff Bezos’ Helicopter Has Been Denied
Nervousness detected at McSweeney's palatial, gated bayfront campus.