Would John Fetterman Fit in Capitol Hill Books' Basement?
A Scientific Study
After giving a certain charlatan from the garden state a well-deserved shellacking on social media and at the ballot box, Senator-elect John Fetterman has recently been spotted on Capitol Hill. As D.C. will soon be his second home, we wouldn’t be shocked should he choose to darken our door at some point in the next six years.
Naturally, this got us thinking: Would Fetterman fit in the basement of Capitol Hill Books? We decided to use science to find out.
Regulars at Capitol Hill Books know we have three floors for you to explore–fiction upstairs, non-fiction on the first floor, etc. The basement, however, can look a bit intimidating to the uninitiated.
If it’s your first time, I recommend descending the stairs with a copy of Milton for moral support. Also, I must advise you to pay the troll toll, so bring change–our trolls do not accept EZ Pass. Once you make it to the bottom of the stairs, you’ll find our collections of sci-fi/fantasy, sociology, economics, and more. But should you even attempt this descent into the dusty depths of Capitol Hill Books if you’re big enough to play power forward for the Sixers?
To determine whether the senator-elect would be able to squeeze into the cellar, we used a rigorous scientific process. First, we googled “Fetterman height” and did a 10-second analysis of the results. Most sites list him at 6’8”, so we’ll base our judgment on that number. Second, we grabbed a tape measure and measured the floor-to-ceiling height of the basement. The results were almost enough to make us choke on our crudité.
The basement at Capitol Hill Books measures a mere 74 inches (6’2”) from floor to ceiling. Alas, the 6’8” Fetterman may want to give the basement a pass. He could choose to stoop over at the waist, but we estimate that he would have to bend at an angle of at least 35 degrees while browsing the basement stacks, and that seems pretty uncomfortable. Sadly, for John Fetterman, the basement at Capitol Hill Books may be a no-go.